fuzzy post-it

this is similar to what i expressed when we first found the callout

people called me ableist and said that “feigning” sympathy for someone was a classic abuse tactic

i don’t even know what’s real any more

i think people are aware of that but they still believe the first thing they read, so they’ve accused mel of doing it to pengo lol

but yeah that’s something mel’s mom did to her all the time when she was a kid; just completely rewrite history to make it out like mel was actively out to get her.  over the course of years.  same thing pengo is doing in his callout.  that’s what gaslighting looks like, and it’s seriously fucked up; it’s not all this pissing and moaning about “wahh you told pengo he’s wrong because he’s actually wrong”

and it works!  because it’s surprisingly difficult to believe that other people, even complete strangers, aren’t telling us the truth.  even if it’s not deliberate.  we trust everyone to be genuine about their experiences.

people hear pengo first, assume he’s relaying events correctly, assume mel is thus a villain with a twirly moustache, and conclude that anything she does is not to be trusted.  but why?  there’s no good reason.  it’s really just two people telling different versions of events.  but you hear one first, you assume the speaker is pure and flawless by default, and that sticks harder than any amount of rock-solid evidence to the contrary.

(there are rather a lot of parallels here to whatever other inexplicable conspiracy theory you care to name, like anti-vaxxers.  they heard a thing from someone they felt they ought to trust, and they built up a framework of iffy other stuff around it, and now no amount of fact will contradict them.  and they try to distract the issue into other things like whether parents should have the right to decide to vaccinate their kids, because it lets them avoid examining whether they’re actually wrong, etc.)

UHH anyway sorry you have to deal with that crap damn.  we kinda lucked out having most of this happen online where it was logged, but as you can see, having a literal record of what actually happened doesn’t always help either!  so i hope you can just get outta there as soon as possible  :(

“haha let’s trivialize someone for the suicidal thoughts that we gave them. that’ll show them just how much i care about social justice and fighting ableism”

i’m kinda running out of steam and there’s not much more to be said i suppose

somehow i don’t think my reblogs are gonna keep this going when it otherwise wouldn’t, though.  accusations of abuse are juicy high school gossip.  accusations that oh oops everyone is actually a huge jackass for spreading that…  not so much.

at least i’ve eased yesterday’s anxiety with all this furious typing

the truth is on our side, anyway.  people will believe whatever they want to believe, and the world will continue to turn

well i mean it took him 14 months to decide to respond to mel’s rant, which i think he said he didn’t directly read anyway, and then another month to actually write his response

i don’t think he handles confrontation well

so to summarize this post

you freely admit you don’t care what either the accused or the victim have to say for themselves, but you’re gonna form and broadcast your baseless opinion anyway

you criticize someone’s depiction of a post that you just said you didn’t read, based entirely on the assumption that the post depicts abuse, which you can’t know if you didn’t read it

you think it’s gaslighting when someone has hard evidence that their version of events is correct — meanwhile you and many others are telling pk over and over that she is abusive when she is not but that’s totally different, for some reason

you think it’s somehow unreasonable for someone to feel suicidal when their friends and thousands of strangers turn on them over false accusations, and call it a huge red flag that someone would admit to contemplating suicide

and you think she is shifting responsibility onto pengo for trying hard to resolve things, even though they had a very long conversation at the end of their relationship during which things seemingly were resolved, and then pengo apparently blocked her forever, which you would know if you had read the rebuttal and weren’t talking entirely out your ass

you are trivializing suicide, helping repeat a lie, pushing all the blame onto one person and basing your harsh opinion of them on shit you completely made up

wow, this sounds familiar. it actually fits your own definition of “typical examples of abuser behaviors”! i suppose you’ll now ignore me or handwave me away, because as you know, abusers are really difficult to reason with.

every person showing support makes the blind hate a little less fashionable

i totally understand though, don’t get involved if you can’t deal with the fallout for whatever reason

i’ve been dating pk for seven years and i don’t know what he was talking about. they only dated for a month or so, and most of what he described happened over the course of a three-day convention and the weeks leading up to it.

here is a tldr version with a link to the full one, but the full response is (naturally) twice as long as pengo’s post so i dunno if a phone will appreciate it haha. http://lexyeevee.tumblr.com/post/116488039087/pengosolvent-versus-the-truth-a-rebuttal

and no, he wrote in his post that “i tried to give the context that pk is “unaware” of as the event was happening.” i looked over all the logs and he never told her. even in his own screenshots all he told her was “and then her mom got into an accident and a huge shitfest erupted in her house” — pk didn’t know anyone had died until we read it in the callout post! he didn’t even specify it was a car accident, which would’ve explained why curly couldn’t go to a print shop. it was just that one line.

i pored over (and included) tons of logs where they talked pretty openly about how they were feeling; there was no shred of hostility between them until a whole series of misunderstandings during that convention. over a year later, i guess pengo mainly remembered the bad parts and none of the followup conversations or apologies? i don’t know. but he gets important little details wrong, like the stuff about the car accident, and it makes pk look a million times worse than what actually happened — which was just a conflict of personalities and a breakup.

oh yeah a couple weeks ago i saw an anon tell someone that mel was transmisogynous, which is…  completely baffling, and news to me

also various accusations that she sent people to make rape threats (there were no rape threats) or threatened to doxx pengo (this did not happen)

people are happy to just outright make stuff up.  and why not, it’s not like anything bad will happen to them for lying

i’m not seeking to abuse anyone; i’m genuinely dying to know what these people actually think mel’s sin was.  because nobody actually discusses it; they just pass on the summary, “pk is an abuser”.  or they link the callout, which i remain convinced few people have even read.  if anyone even hints at what she did wrong, it’s something she did in reaction to pengo’s callout — some behavior that’s only abusive if she was actually guilty of abuse in the first place.

i’m having a really hard time understanding how there can be a lot of people who are absolutely confident someone is abusive, without being to name a single abusive thing they’ve done.  that doesn’t rely on circular reasoning, anyway.

i’m not actively looking for trouble any more at least.  i have been barred from searching tumblr.  everyone i talked at today was either linked to me or in the notes on mel’s posts.  wow that’s a lot of people  :(