i always feel like i have to fight to exist

like if i don’t provoke *some* kind of reaction in people regularly then i will be forgotten very easily

i’m way more tender than you probably think i am; i’ve lost sleep over cruel blog comments

(or, worse, ambiguous blog comments)

is this person right about me? is the subtext right, that i did something to earn this?

i can deal with criticism of what i know and think that’s fine

but i have a very very hard time dealing with anything i perceive to be criticism of *me*

i grew up around constant reminders from every adult in my life that i was a disappointment and i don’t know how to handle hearing it now