plhants asked:i am a male, not white but mexican,i consider my self a femnist, i want women to have equalrights, yes those comments that some ppl make about males do bother me sometimes, but i brush them off because ik whats happening to women right now is wayy more important than my feelings. idk sorry i just felt like i needed to say this sorry
glitchedpuppet answered:It’s understandable. A lot of men feel this kneejerk reaction when they see comments that generalize what men do. It’s that feeling, “but I’m not like that…” and while that is fantastic, the horrible reality is that most are. And when people say “men do this” they are LOOKING for that awful feeling to hit the men reading it - because the alternative is being ignored. The alternative is men reading it and going “oh ok it says only some men, that must not mean me” - which kind of nullifies the point of complaining about it.
You’ll find that you’re a lot less bothered as soon as you realize the stuff indeed isn’t about you — unless it rings true. In which case, work very hard to change that behavior. People definitely aren’t perfect, but the reason people even make posts like this is to urge men into catching themselves in the middle of bad mindsets and bad world views before they spiral out of control and another tragedy happens. Call out your male friends, be the guy that girls can rely on as a safe place to vent without feeling like you’re constantly trying to invalidate her experiences out of insecurity. Be the guy who goes “man, I hate that men do this. I’m going to fight against this if I see it.”
Those sort of actions help a lot in repairing your own feelings; fighting to make sure this shit ends is the first step.
“men do X” is not so much a generalization of men, but a generalization of X.
that is, it’s not saying “most men do X” — it’s saying “most people who do X are men” (and it’s usually done to women, making the distinction all the stronger)
so it makes sense to level the criticism towards men. not all men, but sometimes only men.
and yeah a lot of the more subtle stuff, a lot of people do without realizing. but even for the more extreme examples like not-so-jokes about violence, i think the hope is that men who don’t really approve start saying so. tell that one guy to knock it off, because politely and awkwardly chuckling just tells him that it’s ok.
yesterday i read a post i have no idea how to find again, emphasizing the mindset of casual rapists in particular — they assume what they do is totally normal, i.e. everyone else is a casual rapist too. so when they crack jokes about rape and no one pushes back, or people even laugh, they take that as validation of how they think and what they think about you. they see it as bonding with other casual rapists.
i imagine that’s at least slightly armchair but it sounds basically like how people work. if no one claims to be uncomfortable, we assume everyone is comfortable or even approving.