fuzzy post-it

luvlysmilk:

For Gulliver

April 28th 2013, I came home with a tiny baby boy ferret! My very first pet outside of my parent’s house. He was tiny, and could fit curled up in just one of my hands. He spent the day in my arms, sound asleep. It was love at first sight, for sure!

I had read a lot about ferrets and knew quite a bit about them, so I was ready for the challenge- especially having adopted a baby, no less. Most first time ferret owners get adults! To my surprise however, he was pretty calm, easy to handle, easy to train and not nippy or mean at all.

The first few weeks of having him, he was such a baby. Every morning he made high pitched noises until I woke up- and he had no interest in playing, no. He wanted to sleep next to me instead of being alone, so he slept comfortably in my arms while I half slept, and half made sure I wouldn’t actually sleep might I roll over! Since then he has always been a really clingy baby ferret. I was really proud of how calm and happy he always seemed- normally just as content in my arms as he was running around.

He made quick friends with my closest room-mate, being the only person he loved the feet of (and played with as if it were another ferret…his poor feet got bit many times), and the only person he’d lick the arms of every time he was picked up. I was always pretty jealous!

People who had had ferrets before, including my vets, always mentioned how strange it was for a ferret this young to act so calm. I kept telling myself how lucky I was, that I guess I just got the odd-ball cat-ferret.

I was always quick to jump on symptoms I recognized from “common illnesses” of ferrets- such as coughing. I thought he was getting hairballs! He would cough a lot at night after grooming, and so I started giving him stuff to help it pass. Sometimes when it got worse, I thought maybe he was getting a cold, or a flu, I started getting bad feelings though, that maybe he was sick or something was wrong with him. But the feeling always passed, I told myself not to think too much of it because I was doing everything I was told to do.

In December, I started noticing his energy declining and being content with less and less play-time. I didn’t think too much of it, he was getting mini coughing fits again at night and I figured since I got a cold, maybe he got one too. I fed him extra good stuff and kept him extra warm and cozy and during this month, he spent a lot of time in my coat, out in public with me and extra out of cage time! It was also Christmas, and he got to go see my family, and even got presents. Cute!

After Christmas, though, I noticed he hadn’t really eaten while at my parents. I also noticed that he was not begging to be let out of his cage every morning like he normally would. That he hadn’t touched his food, literally, for 3 days of being home, hadn’t gone to the bathroom, nothing, and overnight was coughing a lot more than before. I thought for sure that he maybe had eaten something bad and got a blockage, but I waited another day and watched very carefully to be sure.

On new years eve, I went to the only available vet to have him checked out (luckily, an exotic pet clinic and not a normal one), because I couldn’t stand the idea of letting him be sick and alone all night while I was at a new-years-eve party- the anxiety of not knowing what’s wrong with him would not have let me go, and not to mention, no vets were open again until thursday! So I went, and he was immediately whisked away to the back while I did paperwork.

I was taken to the back room, and was asked if I knew that he had a heart arrhythmia.. No, I didn’t- my past vets had never noticed it somehow. I knew that my other pet at my parent’s had a heart murmur, and the vet agreed that it may not be bad, just like with my unaffected 10 year old dog. She suggested however, that we do an X-ray to look inside his chest for potential fluid buildup, check his heart and his tummy.

I waited patiently, worried about them putting him under, what if what if? The vet finally came back in and told me that she had news, and it wasn’t good news. His heart was two-three times too large, and his chest was filled with fluid (presumably blood, because his heart was too weak to pump it elsewhere).

He was diagnosed with heart disease- not only that, but extremely advanced, and extremely severe heart disease. Before leaving with him, the vet told me to come back in 10 days, so that we may talk about further action. She suggested that we will probably want an EKG to figure out further what kinds of medications will help, but said nicely that she understands if that is not an option for me, and in that case - because of the severity - we will have to prepare him for his “last meal”.

Once medicated, he started eating again, but only for a few days. He stopped again a day or two in. I tried everything to get him to eat, and coaxed him to only in the last few days by spoon feeding him warm mushy ferret food while I held him. In these last 10 days, with the context of his disease, I’ve become so aware of how weak he really is. His heart disease probably is causing calmness (although I’m still certain he was this way naturally as well!) because of lack of energy, his squeaking when he drank and lack of eating because his heart was pushing on his trachea, his back legs slipping on our floors from lack of blood causing weakness. In these last 24 hours, I have noticed that he barely wants to walk around for two minutes before he flattens against the ground and stares at me miserably.

I think he knows.

I wrote this preemptively, because tomorrow is going to be an extremely hard day for me. I am not sure if I am coming home with my baby or not. But whether or not I do, I have to remember that I did everything I could-that I was the best he could have, and that he had a really good life for as long as he could manage comfortably. I love my baby so so much, and I will miss him and his happy little face, his spazzing playfulness, little dooking and scurrying around my home, cuddling in my coat and kissing my nose whenever I held him in front of me. You simply did not deserve such an untimely passing, at only 11 months old. You didn’t get into anything you shouldn’t have, you did not live past your prime- you simply had a heart too big for your own good.

I love you Gulliver!

1/10/2014, at 2:40 PM

why did i read this of course it would make me cry

i’m glad i got to meet him he was a sweetheart

good luck both of you