Anonymous asked:also how can't nice people be abusive? my abusers groomed me and often had periods of being nice then going back to their 'true' way, or they would act nice in front of my friends and in private would be terrible to me to make it seem like i was the crazy one (gaslighting)
the phrase was “nice and well-intentioned”, and i don’t think what you’ve described really qualifies as either of those things
like this wasn’t about someone being nice in public. it wasn’t about someone whose public face is nice, who other people would describe as overall a “nice person”. it was about someone who had tried to be nice all the time, and their specific nice behavior.