fuzzy post-it

sappo7:

I read every word (I just stayed up for an hour+however long I’m going to be writing this comment when I shouldn’t have stayed up to do so), and I’ll spread this via the various channels I have. For the record, I probably wouldn’t have seen this so quickly if you hadn’t put me in the post as a specific call out either; I was reading what you wrote while it still had four notes.

I have no idea if you’re going to see my comment, but I will say; the reason I was inclined to give the original post credit is a combination of how “truthiness” impacts human psychology and that I was already primed to believe negative things as a consequence of my own anxiety about you both. Because make no mistake; you and Mel are two of the maybe four people on this earth that I genuinely feel anxiety (not anger, sadness, or some other emotion about) whenever I see a reminder that you exist, and that our social circles only barely no longer overlap. I sincerely don’t even really remember WHY I feel so consistently anxious about you two; it’s been an appreciable fraction of a decade since we’ve been in any sort of direct contact. But it’s a real emotion regardless of its origins and it has real impacts, in this case being to jam up what are usually fairly astute bullshit detectors. 

 I will also say, for the record, that even though I am/have been uncomfortable with and around you guys for a long time, I have always tried to be a voice defending you in anonymous spaces, regardless of what I thought or felt and expressed with my name attached. Whatever criticism there was, and for whatever degree of validity I felt it held or lacked, it was always overridden in those internet-sewer spaces by raw unvarnished misogyny and I tried to treat that exactly the same as I try to with other expression of it, regardless of who it was addressing. I recall in the past (during an incident long before mike’s grossness) you guys feared I was doing the opposite, and I want to reiterate once more that that is not the case.

Well, I stayed up for… far too long writing that and mulling over what I wanted to say, and adding and removing a few more paragraphs than that . I have no idea if you’re going to see anything I’ve just spent two hours writing and mulling over, but I’ve put it out there anyway. As penance for contributing to harm, against the backdrop of another ridiculous storm sparked by an ex’s tremendous flawed callout post.

If you want to talk to me, or yell at me, about any of this and my gullibility or culpability in its spread, I think we’re still friend-ed on steam. You’re a far more busy person than I; if you wish to, contact me at your leisure and I will always be available unless I am asleep. I had a few other things I wanted to say, but I don’t think they’re in any way appropriate for public spaces or the current context of Shit.

well hey this is pretty big of you and i appreciate it. thank you.

i’m surprised you said this explicitly:

the reason I was inclined to give the original post credit is a combination of how “truthiness” impacts human psychology and that I was already primed to believe negative things as a consequence of my own anxiety about you both.

i didn’t really drive it home in the doc, but i assume it contributes to why a fair number of people so readily believed the original: the contingent of people who have “bad vibes” were eager for something more juicy to justify how they already felt.

kinda fucked up.